Keep Calm and Carry On

The mantra of England, as anyone who’s been here or seen the t-shirts, mugs, and posters would know, is “Keep Calm and Carry On”. It is basically a fancy way to say “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. At first interpretation, it sounds like a very reasonable way to get through the day. After much time in England, we have come to learn that this is much more than a mantra – it is at the heart and soul of most English people. There are certainly many times when keeping calm and carrying on is actually the best choice (e.g., looking for lost keys, finding your gas tank is on E and you are a few miles from a gas station, learning that your favorite TV show has been interrupted for a special report on something you don’t care so much about, etc.).

Being two of the more passive Americans around, it would stand to reason that our approach to day to day activities would be just the ticket – we’ll fit right in… Not so much. It turns out that our level of “passivity and general acceptance” of things that come our way is not even close to the intent of the mantra. Our seemingly casual approach to life actually makes us demanding a-holes on the OSB (Official Scale of Britishness).

So many times, we force ourselves to remain calm because we are surrounded by others who are genetically calm about all of it. We thought it would be fun, and somewhat cathartic to share with you some of the moments where we opted for valor through discretion, when what we really wanted to do was scream our fool heads off.

Electricity on a Stick?

We have metered electrical service in our house…sort of. The meter is actually under the stairs and requires a microchipped plastic stick in order to work. The way it works is you go to the local store, give them money, and they program your microchipped stick to know that you’ve pre-paid an amount. Then you take the stick home and put it in the “box in the Harry Potter room under the stairs” – voila! Electricity! What appears to be a relatively smart way to manage your daily electrical use is simply a pain in the ass. In the year 2012, there is not enough infrastructure in place to have metered power supplied to the houses – you can choose from 5 electricity companies, but they all send you a stick. The worst situation is realizing your electricity stick has run out of money and it is after 7pm on a Sunday, when the “electricity store” is closed. Keep Calm and Carry On.

When drunks lose their Oyster Cards

On the way home from work one day, Jon hopped on the 122 bus for the last leg of the journey. He was followed onto the bus by a man who had clearly spent the last several days at the pub. Once on the bus, Mr. Pub-Lover realized he had lost his Oyster Card (the card you use for transport – pre-loaded with money – to allow for quick “tapping in and tapping out” for buses, trains, tubes, etc.). When this happens you have to pay for the bus in cash. So he digs through his pockets and comes up with £1.90, 40p short of the required £2.30 cash fare. Seeing this as a problem, his razor sharp mind goes into overdrive and he determines the best way to handle this is to ask the bus driver to “hold on a moment” while he jumps back off the bus and starts begging the folks waiting for other buses to give him 40p. In some circles, this would seem somewhat reasonable, except that it was the 9th person he asked that actually helped him out. Odd that the bus driver would wait that long (it was almost 5 minutes) and even odder that no one on the bus seemed to be disturbed by the delay… Seriously? Keep Calm and Carry On.

Sorry, the bus can’t go up that hill

After a fun evening in London in wintertime seeing a West End show, we hopped on the bus to head back home. Snow was just starting to fall and it was 10:30pm (or 22h30 as you would say here). The journey is about 35 minutes and drops us at the stop 2 blocks from our house. Easy breezy, yes?...No…10 minutes into our journey the skies burst open and the snow fell like an avalanche on the city (something like 8 inches in 20 minutes). Our driver bravely and safely got us through the streets of London until we reached Dulwich. In Dulwich, there is a big hill you have to traverse to continue on your journey. We were at the foot of the hill and the bus stopped. It seemed like any other stop, except we never started again. After 15 minutes or so, some passengers decided it might be time to ask what was happening. “Sorry, the bus can’t go up that hill.” So, here we are with the snow mounting, time passing (now 23h30), and the driver turns off the motor (and thus the heat). There are still about 30 people on the bus, all patiently waiting for something to happen to change our fate. To cut this long story short, we and the other 34 buses stopped on that street were able to start moving again at 1:45 in the morning. We got home about 3:00 a.m. Keep Calm and Carry On.

It’s not really Rocky Road

We spent many months looking for Rocky Road ice cream, checking every store and ice cream vendor we could find. The general answer when we asked was “Whu?”. The answer after asking a second time was “Rocky Road?” We finally gave up our quest and made a note to have Rocky Road next time we were back in the US. Until one glorious day in the grocery store when we saw Rocky Road Ice Cream in the freezer case and did a happy dance up and down aisle 3. We planned to watch some “telly” that night and enjoy our taste of home. Ice cream scooper in hand, we open the container and immediately said to ourselves, “Whu?” Rocky Road in England has neither Rocks nor Roads, no dark chocolate, no nuts, no miniature marshmallows. While the milk chocolate, vanilla, caramel blend that awaited us was tasty, we decided…Keep Calm and Carry On.

And finally…

When your heater breaks, your local store runs out of milk, you bump your head on the top of the 3 foot tall passageway from your bedroom to the hallway, your internet service goes down, you burn your finger on the stove, and you can’t remember where you left the box of plasters (that’s Band Aids), all within a 30 minute period, only one thing to do…