We realize it has been a while since we have blogged and we apologize for the lack of "flow of information". We have been busy preparing for our upcoming move to a new house! Yes, we are moving a whole two blocks away from where we are now. It is a bigger place (3 bedrooms) and very charming (English code for “quirky but just right for us”). We will no doubt be blogging about the move (scheduled for next Saturday the 9th of July), but suffice it to say that there is much to tell on that front.
In the meantime, to keep you entertained and to assure you that life in England presses on regardless, we have some new highlights from “page 11”, from the 176 bus, and from the city of Penge for your perusal end enjoyment.
IRONING ON THE FREEWAY?
A couple of months back, the M1 (English version of “I-5” or “The 5” as they say in Southern California), was shut down for three days because of an overturned Lorry (Semi/Big-Rig in American English). There were massive delays and people couldn’t get to work, etc. Why it took three days to clear the mess, we do not know. What we do know is that a local man took it upon himself to stage a peaceful protest by opting to do his ironing directly on the pavement of the M-25. Yep, he brought an ironing board, iron, and wrinkled shirt, and set up shop right in the middle of the road. We are still not sure exactly how he kept the iron hot enough to actually press the shirt and there are no photos of the pressed shirt to prove that it worked, but here is what was on page 11:
HEY LADY, SHAVE YOUR ‘STACHE
So, we are sitting on the 176 bus quietly minding our own business when this man comes downstairs on the bus (you can go upstairs and downstairs on buses here) to prepare for his alighting. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, he was right in front of us. We knew he was leaving based on his positioning in the bus and we were certain he was headed to the barber based on his beard and moustache. Looking down at his feet, we learned he was wearing a lovely pair of Espadrille high heels in a brilliant orange. Looking up again, we realized this was no man! Seriously Lady, have you ever heard of Gillette? It was amazing to see that much growth – it was like a goatee. All we can assume is that she was in Stage 1 of the standard NHS Gender Reassignment Program (they don’t really have such a program, but if they did, she was their poster child).
BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU HIRE A PRIVATE CAR SERVICE
We were out shopping in Penge for new outdoor furniture for our new house (yes, we will now have direct and private access to our own back yard – Yay!). We found the perfect set as well as a barbeque, briquettes, an iron (funny that this all comes back to ironing, yes?), barbeque utensils, and several other sundries. So far, so good. Here’s the rub: how do you carry three boxes of patio furniture and a barbeque on the Bus (actually two buses in our case)? Answer: you don’t, hire a private car service!
The store where we bought the furniture (Wilkinson) has this handy phone right by the checkout for car hires. All you do is pick up the phone and it automatically dials the car service (clearly we were not the first couple to buy more at Wilkinson than can be carried on the bus). So Debbie calls for the car…”We’ll meet you out back”…”Perfect, thanks!” So we take our trolley (cart) out back and with the assistance of a generous and friendly Englishwoman, we get all of our goods to the parking lot area.
The car pulls up, we load his boot (trunk), his back seat (back seat), and his front seat (front seat) with our stuff and we are on our way. Fantastic! Then the driver says, “You might have to help me find your house, I am new to the area”. Turns out he was new to the area, new to London, new to England, and, in fact, new to Western Europe! We were of little help since we have never driven here (that’s what buses are for). After several hundred wrong turns and back streets – voila! We were at our flat. Then it came time for the bill. Certain it would be £30 or £40, we braced ourselves...
Suddenly, it felt like a MasterCard commercial: “New Outdoor Furniture - £100; New Barbeque £35; Household sundries £40; Ride through every possible side street in a one-mile radius with an immigrant using very broken-English…priceless!”. In this case, priceless was only £7. Yay!
CONCLUSION
As we prepare for our move in 7 days, we promise to keep tracking more interesting and insightful experiences to put on the blog. For now, we are going to go iron our pajamas on Sydenham High Street and beg for change from non-English speaking she-males…
